Today is two days in. The sun run really made me pause and focus on the path that I’d forgotten ages ago.   Fitness, health, and making sure that I am taking care of myself is something I need to do to help with my stress, to deal with myself. I have certain ways of responding to stress. Intense stress and I cave. I hide in my cocoon, letting a few trusted folks in — usually those who persist, who have been around for a long time, or those who have clearly been in the place where I’m at. Sometimes all of the above…
As I deal with long term intense stress, I sometimes deal that way, but other times I realize I need to control something. Anything. I don’t mean this in an unhealthy way. I mean more as a way of coping with things when my world is out of control. I usually end up spring cleaning or baking.  Longer term, things can go in many directions.
One thing that happens when I cocoon is that I want to stay at home, curled up on my sofa. So right now, what I am doing is connecting the two ideas — cocooning to a degree with controlling what I can. I’m doing what I can to control things that I can control. With a healthy balance, of course, and not an obsessive perspective.  But it means I will train for a half marathon, watch my nutrition so that I get stronger and healthier, and work through finances questions in preparation for things to come.
It feels good to have a small bit of control in an crazy time. It feels good to have some sort of control in an area (health and fitness) that has such a direct impact on how I view myself, and my self confidence.
Today, I went for a run, but had to cut it short. My right hamstring was irritated. So I eased off. I know my workouts, it wasn’t a cop out. I had to ease off.  Thankfully, though, I came home to good news: the Canucks won. This is their first ever 4 game sweep. Well done! I watched to the end of the game, but OT could go for very long, so I paid attention to what my priorities were and that meant going out.
So tomorrow’s lunch is planned, workout planned for after work, and plans are falling into place for an awesome weekend in Whistler with my running peeps.  Slowly I am coming out of my cave. In some areas of my life. Other areas of my life (read=dancing), not yet. But it will come. For now I need to focus on me.