Options and choices. Some people say that choices are a good thing. I don’t disagree.  But it doesn’t make it any easier. How does one decide, when facing a crossroads in life what direction to take? I was really mentally prepared to disappear from dodge.  I really wanted to disappear from dodge. That door is closed. I am not surprised given the economy, and it now means I’m facing staying as is or redirecting.
The immediate redirection is a challenge because I face questions about longer term dreams as well as statements made to me that I’m fighting against.  I’m not sure if this makes sense.  I’m going to try to clarify a bit, keeping in mind that I am trying to keep things vague enough that if a coworker happens to stumble on this blog, they A) wont figure out that I’m a coworker and B) wont figure out what plans may be in place.
Okay, I’m currently working in a job that uses my degrees (yes plural. sigh). Directly. It’s intellectually stimulating. I work with a great team of people.  Sounds great, right? It is. The problem is that I’m hugely underpaid. It’s not only about money, and I know what it’s like to sell my soul for money. My last job was like that. I was miserable, I didn’t like what I was doing, didn’t like the management etc.. But the reality is, that I need to accept that I need to plan as if I am not going to find a partner. So I need to be practical. My current position is stable. It’s in a company that’s is of course affected by the recession but we aren’t going through the mass instability and lay offs that other companies are facing. It’s quite family friendly. But with the economy and the sector I’m in, it means that I find it very hard to see growth potential. And, while the stability is great and if I had a partner and was looking towards having a family that would be paramount.
But the fears of the other options are that it means going into debt — which is challenging as I’m still paying off unemployment debt.  And it feels like a big step backwards to go back to school. I was speaking with someone about the options and they stated things that play into comments that my dad has about this option: that it’s a step backwards. And perhaps it’s not a more ‘advanced’ option than my existing background.  The comments that have been made are things like ‘do I really want to do the grunt work’? And of course, the answer is ‘no’. But, longer term, it could be more beneficial. And, really, it’s 1000x more stable with more job options.  And does it mean that my current background can’t be used? No, I don’t exactly know how it could be but there are options.  I have ideas,
But it also means I’m stuck in dodge for the next two years. After that, I don’t have to stay.  But since the options to get out of dodge are officially on hold for the forseeable future it’s not like I’m going anywhere, anyhow.