A day at home, full of processing and thoughts. I’m mellow, ignoring the phone (sorry folks) and am thinking. Last night was my brother’s 3oth birthday. It’s always interesting to me to hang with him and his friends. They’re younger than me, but not younger than my friends. What I mean is we are 3 years apart. I’m older. When we were kids, the difference was quite steep so we didn’t have the same friends. Now though, the difference doesn’t matter. However, because of this we still don’t hang out with the same people.
There are a few of his friends who I get along with though — and we could be friends. In fact, one lives quite close to me, and we were chatting about life, relationships and all of that. She took my number and mentioned inviting me over at some point. I hope she does, she’s friendly, kind and very open. She’s recently gotten married and married a man that’s like the one I’ve described I’d like to find: knows how to treat a woman with respect, kindness, value — opens doors, is thoughtful of their needs and takes care of them.  I respect her for waiting to find a man like that.  It made me smile to know that there are men from Vancouver how know how to act like that. I hope they’re not all gone, though I will admit after days like today — and recent days — I give up on that hope too.
I know he’s finding it difficult turning 30, and I understand why.
The rest of the day, yesterday, was simply active: I went snowshoeing for the first time in maybe 20 years (?), had a great run in the morning and got home exhausted after the party. No energy to dance afterwards.
Today I’ve spent the day processing. There are life decisions to be made and consideration to do — and in the light of some of what’s gone on lately personally it really does make me think.  Today I chatted briefly with a few friends, but ignored my phone all day after realizing I needed time to be alone and just, well, ruminate on things. Life. Processing. That’s where I stand.