Spoken with probably the one person who knows exactly where I’m at right now. A Modus operandi is in place, and apparently I’ve fallen victim to it. The difference is that there is a person to compare me to rather than to a general ‘ideal’. What I found out Sunday night was needed, but painful. It confirms that I need to take space. I’m not sure it’s entirely true — I trust the veracity of what I was told — but I’m not sure it’s entirely true because H.D. doesn’t understand his own emotions and thought.  This is how he has been for years, and nothing has changed. It’s not calculating because he is unaware.  Incapable of taking responsibility, incapable of conversation, walls in place. All classic signs.  No conversations.  It feels like I’m dealing with a 14 year old rather than an adult who should be capable of adult conversations.
So I have a choice. Confront him with his actions or disappear. It’s a hard call because  the easy road for me is to always hide and not bring up the tough conversations. Especially when I don’t feel safe. Which I don’t right now.  Or I can be strong and confront. However, I don’t know how to confront without explaining that I know what I know, and I do think what was said was slanted to deflect responsibility. Which was wrong.
So, at the moment I will work to finding my mask of ‘joy’ so that the trampled on heart will not be displayed. I will rely on my ‘spys’ to keep me informed and I will distance myself. I haven’t decided if I will remove his profile from facebook — though I’m seriously considering it — I haven’t decided if I will cut off communication with his friends (who are now my friends). I will give it a few weeks and decide after my distraction weekend.
So knowing that this is his MO helps, it doesn’t change that I’m in pain, I’ve lost a friend, but when the object of H.D.’s obsession can sigh and say that he’s like that and that I deserve better it says something.  There really needs to be a ‘DO NOT DATE’ list for the dance scene. A warning for the women out there.