Sometimes it’s all about the Shoes…
I have not been doing the things I love or living the live that makes me happy. Yes, I am working towards a more satisfying career and working towards something that will give me more stability, a future and will give me that ever important ‘job satisfaction’. BUT, lately I’ve not been doing the things I love.
Partly this is because I’ve had mono and I’ve been doing NOTHING. My doctor gave me strict instructions that I should do nothing but school since I refused to take a leave of absence (long story, the choice was either a year off or no leave at all). So, since early March, I’ve been doing just that. Nothing. Or as close to it as I can get. I still do my volunteering with my running clinic (but no running) and I still try to get out and volunteer at the dance (but no dancing — one cold-relapse was enough thank you, my new dancing soap box is that people should stay away when they’re visibly ill).
Another reason I feel like I’ve been doing nothing is that school keeps me very busy. I’m looking at my deadlines in the next 5 weeks alone and they have me losing sleep (which, when you’re dealing with the after-effects of mono is BAD). But, that’s the reality of Nursing School and I know that this is a temporary thing, and that I can achieve balance if I am careful.
So, it all adds up. I’ve been feeling very out of sorts of late. Saturday I received a phone call. One of my girlfriends had an extra ticket to an event downtown — a socializing event, with art and culture mixed in. The ‘artsy’ side of it (to keep things appropriately vague on a public blog) was the type I’d seek out while travelling but never get involved in here at home. So, since it was a chance to get dressed up, go out and connect with a different crowd than my usual nursing student friends or dancing or running friends I jumped at the chance.
It was the type of event where people were in jeans and sweats or dressed in vintage, tuxedos and as I was dressed: in a little black dress. It was a time where everyone was able to express themselves stylistically as they’d like. I decided that enough was enough I was at home doing nothing for close to 2 months and it’s time to resume life — even if it means modifying my choices due to bouts of exhaustion (and getting help hauling things I’m still not strong enough to carry — like Cat Food or Litter). So I chose a great pair of shoes and set out.
As I was walking to the bus (so elegant, I know!) a girl looking like she was going to her grad leaned out of the car and yelled at me “I LOVE YOUR SHOES! THEY’RE A GREAT COLOUR!” That made me smile and walk a little taller with a bit more attitude. During the event, a woman who was very stylish came up to me to chat. She turned out to be a personal stylist. She wanted to know the designer of my shoes. I wasn’t able to tell her (though I know they’re a good name — that I got for an AMAZING deal last year). But that made me smile and, again, walk with that bit of confidence knowing I too was ‘dressed to impress’. It FELT great!
At the event it was fun to explore the artsy side of things, and it was fun to hang with my friends. Interestingly, there was less mingling than I would have expected. Some was there, for sure, but not much. There were a few exceptions (that I’m not going to blog about at this point — you’ll just have to ask me if you know me in real life). But, most people seemed focussed on the event rather than mingling and socializing. But in some cases I think this comes back to my usual rant or opinion that men in this city don’t step up and make moves. I don’t know what it is but they seem to sit back and wait. Perhaps it’s shyness, or perhaps it’s fear of rejection. I don’t really know. But, they just don’t come forward and make the first move. I don’t plan on chasing, if a guy’s interested he’ll step up.
One guy seemed interested, tried to be around me (the place wasn’t huge but he was consistently in the same rooms as I was for much of the evening), and seemed like a good looking intelligent man. He smiled at me, I at him, back and forth. I made sure to initiate it sometimes. BUT he didn’t ever step up. He had four hours to work up the courage. This isn’t a universal thing, wasn’t even a universal thing that night. But, men stepping up and talking to a woman, making the first move, is the exception not the rule (unless alcohol is involved, perhaps).
Unfortunately this seems par for the course here and I don’t know if any woman, who doesn’t want to have to become the ‘chaser’ in the dating scene, knows what to do about this.
So for that night, and for my overall spirits, those boosts of confidence was worth it, and I must say: