I’m back at work. I took 2 days off this week to recover, but went back yesterday.  It’s good to get back to a normal routine.  Today was a difficult day though. My manager is quite stressed. We’ve all been stressed but for me, I feel like it’s currently at a standard level of stress and nothing particularly worse than the rest of this quarter’s been.  So to spend almost 2 hours in a conversation about how to reduce our stress, was not how I really want to spend my day. Because do I care? Frankly, losing my grandma has reminded me of what’s really important.  Do I care how stressed the reps are about some particular custom product? No.  Not right now at least. It doesn’t improve the lives of people directly, it doesn’t build relationships or improve health.  It gives me pause to think about what really matters, and really most of what I do in my job doesn’t. That frustrates me.  Affect change in my area that matters to me. Arg. I was frustrated today.

It is frustrating to go into a meeting, give suggestions and not have my suggestions heard. Perhaps not necessarily acted upon, but heard at least, would be good.  Is important to me, to most people.  So it was quite frustrating. It just firms up my options. The options are set. I know what I’m going to to, have been for a while. This doesn’t set them for me, but it does give me pause. I ended up in a heated discussion with the boss today about all this. How frustrating.  I could have screamed. Or quit. But I wont.

I came home, relaxed and watched the news.  They were doing a story on knitting and how trendy it’s getting. They did a story on senior ladies who knit blankets for the homeless and have always done so, even before it was ‘trendy’. The ladies were a group of seniors who live in my grandma’s complex. My grandma didn’t knit (though she was proud of me and my knitting), but seeing her lounge. Where we’ve sat and had tea. Walked through.  I cried.

Being with family, caring for and loving them. True friends too — they mean the world to me. Affecting change whether on a personal or a group level into the health of those in my community. Those are the things that truely matter. In my opinion, anyways.