Online Dating: A Simple Rule
Christina
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- 6 Comments
On and off lately I’ve been exploring online dating. I have those experiences that good stories are made of, if nothing else — really, one day I’ll have to see if I can capture the humour that was the Gumby story in writing. Recently, I decided I need to take initiative more — I use the ‘he should pursue’ as a crutch or an excuse not to act. I’m trying to take initiative more. But, this post (sorry I’ve been AWOL, schools nuts — as normal — but this story has to be shared) isn’t about me and taking initiative.
This is about a simple rule I have when chatting with someone I don’t know from an online dating site: using whatever available information I have I do an internet search on the guy. Often they eventually give me their email address. Unlike me, they usually use their main email. I appreciate that as it makes my digging easier. I use a non-identifying email address — that I check — so that I have a certain amount of anonymity, at least until I have met them once or twice.
But, whatever information they give me (a number an email address etc), I search for them. Last weekend I decided to contact a couple of guys who’s profile seemed interesting to me. One guy respectfully responded that he was already communicating with someone and felt it was not polite to correspond with more than one person at a time. I was impressed, and respect that. Anyhow, the other guy responded. A few messages back and forth and he suggests contact through email. So, once he’s emailed me I did my usual search, found him on Facebook.
Now, I have my facebook account pretty locked down, people can’t see anything, and even some ‘friends’ aren’t allowed to see my wall. This guy’s wall is visible to all.
What did the most recent status update say?
Mr X ” says you’re all invited to my bachelor party! Granted, I’m not even getting married. But thats not a reason to not have a night out with my buddies with beer and strippers!”
The status update below that, from Friday was:
Mr X ” says whenever I start to get tired of being single… I go sleep on the couch to remember what being in a relationship is like!”
Now, I realize that he may be making a joke and I haven’t met him and don’t know what his sense of humour is like, BUT, this is publicly visible, employers can see it, media, customers, and WOMEN HE MAY WANT TO DATE. So, if he was someone who I knew, I may have found it quite funny (depending on the person saying those things), but in this case it’s just offensive and creeps me out.
So, he goes into the ‘NO’ category. Now I just have to decide if I should be direct and say what I’m thinking (something I’m working on), or do what I normally would do and just never respond.
So my simple rule: WATCH what you say when you’re online, because women, or at least this woman, does search and it can be a deal-breaker.
Christina
Oh, and based on the information I had through his dating profile and through communicating with him on the online dating site, he’s a normal professional who works in business development. He. Should. Know. Better.
Christina
Oh, and based on the information I had through his dating profile and through communicating with him on the online dating site, he’s a normal professional who works in business development. He. Should. Know. Better.
Christina
I decided to send Mr X a short email (he’d emailed me a second time asking if I’d received his first email):
“Thanks for the message. I am not going to continue this communication. All the best in your search.”
It’s not my job to educate someone I have no desire to meet.
Christina
I decided to send Mr X a short email (he’d emailed me a second time asking if I’d received his first email):
“Thanks for the message. I am not going to continue this communication. All the best in your search.”
It’s not my job to educate someone I have no desire to meet.
Melanie
Ohdear!
Recall the 45yo I briefly dated who said he was … what was it, 38? A quick search online and a few math skills and I knew he was much older than he’d said he was.
When asked why he lied, his response was that it was the same as a woman wearing makeup. She clearly doesn’t have black and thick eyelashes or blue eyelids, but she’s trying to make people believe that she does; she is lying. So if women can lie all the time about their appearances, why not lie about age?
Still, with open facebook guy, I’d be tempted to play nice and point out to him just what you wrote: that business contacts, potential employers, and potential dates, might be reading it. Advertising that you’re into strippers = not so good with any of the above. 😛
Melanie
Ohdear!
Recall the 45yo I briefly dated who said he was … what was it, 38? A quick search online and a few math skills and I knew he was much older than he’d said he was.
When asked why he lied, his response was that it was the same as a woman wearing makeup. She clearly doesn’t have black and thick eyelashes or blue eyelids, but she’s trying to make people believe that she does; she is lying. So if women can lie all the time about their appearances, why not lie about age?
Still, with open facebook guy, I’d be tempted to play nice and point out to him just what you wrote: that business contacts, potential employers, and potential dates, might be reading it. Advertising that you’re into strippers = not so good with any of the above. 😛