Have you ever had one of those weeks? It’s the week where everything seems to go wrong. Yesterday and today at work have been incredibly frustrating, but as I choose to keep my work out of this blog I wont go into it in too much detail.  Some of it relates to the reality that it ‘comes with the job’ some of it relates to work-related finances and all the stresses that finances can bring.   It was also frustrating that my medical appointment request for yesterday’s Upper GI Xray and ultrasound was forgotten, so my manager was surprised when I sent out a reminder email. I ended up not getting the time off, but had to make up the time later. Working late bites!
The cool thing, though, was that at my appointment yesterday — which was to try to determine why my stomach hurts — the ultrasound technician showed me some of my organs. I got to see my spleen, my liver and one of my kidneys. It was also amazing, the technician offered to show me my heart — she hadn’t looked at it while she was taking photos. I was excited by that possibility and it was really cool to see her reaction. Her first reaction was to say with a voice full of awe ‘wow you must be fit’. When I let her know that I’ve done a full marathon, and am running a 1/2 marathon this weekend, she was very impressed. As a 10k runner she understands training and has a concept of how much work goes into training for any distance let alone a marathon, or a 1/2 marathon.  It was amazing to see how strong, slow and relaxed my heart was. She left the room to consult with the radiologist and as she left she said ‘wow, today’s a great day, I got to see the heart of a marathoner’.
The Heart of a Marathoner
What does that mean? Training for a race — whatever distance — it requires dedication, persistence, emotional and physical strength. Training for a marathon takes time, it requires establishing priorities and being willing to work through the aches and pains, it takes willpower and a lot of emotional strength to get through the long miles and to push past even tears of frustration. On race day it’s often pure guts that gets a runner through the long long miles and past “The Wall”. But the rewards are plentiful: physical strength, emotional strength, great legs (GRIN) and a level of fitness that is unachievable by most.  And yes, it gives you a marathoner’s heart.  The marathon is truly the hardest thing I’ve ever done physically, but it is also the most rewarding physical challenge I have faced (to date). Yes I can say that even with my love of amazing dances. Quite honestly, if I had to choose, I’d choose running over dancing. Well, most of the time (except perhaps between those, fleeting, AMAZING dances, those are hard to match).
Sometimes I think that the challenges of life are like that, they build the persistence and the strength needed to live life well, with integrity and purpose.  The challenges of life strengthen the emotional heart; they build the character of the one undergoing the trials.  This year and many recent years, have been like that — they are years that have been a hard marathon and I felt at several points like I hit that proverbial wall. Today, I can acknowledge, without the agony of previous days, that my life is not on the path that I expected to be on at this point in my life.  But, I’m a different person than I was in previous days.  The marathon built the strength of mind and body to get me through the long miles, past that wall and on pure guts, to the finish line strong and confident.  The emotional marathon I have been on in recent years has done the same for my life’s path — building the strength and persistence needed to live life well.
So, yes, I’m not where I thought I’d be at this point. But, for once, I’m okay with that. Yes, those heart dreams that I’ve always carried still exist, but for once I can look at my life and be thankful that I didn’t marry when I was younger because I was not who I am now.  Perhaps, I would have avoided challenging all my perspectives and world views (which is another blog post, but the evolution of my world view is perhaps why I’m not the same person now as I was); perhaps these would not have evolved as they have. For the moment, at least, I can see how, had I gotten those heart dreams at a young age, it may not have been the happiest path. Yes, I’m in the middle of a marathon full of aches and pains — but maybe, just maybe, I’ve broken through the wall that many marathoners have either experienced or train hoping to avoid.
I know that even with my moment to moment stresses about finances, the fall, future plans, and how they will all play out, I am on the right path. I have broken through the wall and I will persist, because I have the heart of a marathoner.