Today at work was certainly better than yesterday and after work I headed to the salon and got my hair cut — it feels fantastic to have crisp healthy hair. I felt very pretty and confident after the appointment. I realize my hair will look better and be healthier if I didn’t wait a year between hair cuts!

After the appointment I met up with a girl friend and we chatted about guys and life etc and dancing was a blast.  So why am I feeling blah? I know I’m tired. I know I’m stressed about finances, the future, plans and goals — how to get there without being swallowed up in the stress of debt and changes. But I was having a great time dancing, and I know that the future and those stresses are coming and it will work out — So why as the night ended did I fade into the ‘blah’s’?

I know it’s partly because I’m weary and feeling lonely. I realize there’s nothing I can do about that, but it makes me wonder, yet again, why I attract and am attracted to ‘unattainable’ guys? If it’s not a guy who takes me onto an emotional rollercoaster, it’s a guy who gives off the impression that he’s been hurt badly and wont step up, or it’s a wonderful guy who lives far away.  None of them in a position to step up and be ‘my boyfriend’. That’s quite frustrating and it, and things people have said in recent weeks make the situations I’ve been in, especially ’emotional rollercoaster guy’, somehow less valid. This brings up a tangent — does having a label really mean anything? Yes, specifically defining eachother as ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ clearly defines responsibility and a level of commitment.  But does it really mean anything? The guy who is far away has treated me with a great deal more consideration and respect than ‘rollercoaster guy’ ever did. Rollercoaster guy will never be a friend again — dance acquaintance, yes, but not my friend. ‘Distance guy’ will remain a friend, even if we don’t get the chance to explore dating beyond the casual thing that it is.

To me, if there is, or is the possibility of, a breakup, then for me it’s just as valid as labels, and being treated with respect is just as important!

Anyhow, I guess that is it, I’m a bit lonely. The nice thing is, I’m thought of, treated with consideration, and missed. Plus, unless I have the worst luck, I’ll get to see ‘distance guy’ AKA ‘distraction’ in two weeks. That will be great. Time to think positively and look forward to good changes in the future.

But for now, I’m going to sleep. That will do wonders to improve my blah and grumpy mood.