I have several thoughts running through my mind. Tonight I was a complete B$!#@ to the lost friend. Things have been pleasant mostly, relatively speaking. We’d even spoken outside of ‘events’. Tonight though, he looked at me and walked past and didn’t even acknowledge me. I had great dances, a lot of fun. But I know that as I was recently describing in this post I’m still grieving the loss of friendship. And I’m in a grumpy mood because of it. Tonight was not acceptance it was anger. The lost friend came up to me as I was getting ready to leave, asked if I was going, to which I responded emphatically “Absolutely”.  Then I looked at him, glared at him and said “Oh so you’ve decided to talk to me???”. He asked if I was going out tomorrow I said I wasn’t sure. Then I walked away. I was a B@#$!@ and I’m not sad about it. I’m still angry. I want to be proven wrong. Words said to me by this lost friend don’t match how I’ve been treated — they match the horrible things he said to a mutual friend.  I desperately want to be proven wrong.  I have to stop hoping. And it’s sad, because every time I’m in the dance scene it just makes me want to get the hell away from here. And maybe I will. For now though I need to sleep.  I hope I’m in a better mood tomorrow. I really want to go out of town to dance. Alone.
Stay tuned. I have another, much longer post that I’m thinking about. But it’s not clear to me yet… And I’m in too foul of a mood to really do it justice right now. But stay tuned.