Not about personal stuff, yesterday was processing where I’ve come from in the past ten years.  Tonight, as I’ve been pondering many nights lately, it’s about career and life direction.  I’ve been looking into how to make it all work.   I’ve got documentation about everything, but one thing that emphasizes direction is what my gut is saying to me when I realized I couldn’t find certain information in my online account. Sorry for being vague — but I can’t be clear just yet.  Anyhow, I need to think for a little bit of time still to think more about this but I may need to make some calls sooner than what I’d intended and get some balls rolling.  Why? Because I am tense and worried that something’s happened, some administration issues have cropped up and that I may not have that option. I suppose that means that I do want this option.  This is different from my gut feeling for the other option — that I’m still waiting on (as I haven’t heard yet if it really is an option), and my gut for that is ‘meh’ if I get ‘no news’ or a ‘no’.  If it’s a ‘yes’ then I will think carefully.  But, the reality is that longer term, depending on my goals I may be better off with the path that makes me go ‘oh no — what if something happens to block it’…
I had a conversation today with someone who’s already on a very similar path to the one I may embark. It will take some juggling and planning to make everything work, but it’s possible.  So if I want this, I need to start planning and preparing for it, more specifically.  I had a brief conversation with a person in my running group on the same topic. This was also handy because she knows someone who is doing the job that would be farther down the path I am looking at.  I’ve asked her to connect me with this friend so I can start to clearly generate a 5 year plan and begin to move forward in it.  So I will take a bit more time and think but things are feeling more solid in my mind. That’s a relief.