I’m glad the year has begun. I’m glad December and 2008 is over and I’m looking forward to whatever 2009 brings.  Yet the things that were challenges before aren’t magically gone now that January is here.  I’m still struggling with hopes, dreams, reality.
And the reality is that there are things that I want, hopes that I have.   Yet, somehow, I have to compartmentalize. Not step onto the rollercoaster.   I am curious about this year. Hoping for better things, yet afraid to really be hopeful.  And because of that I’m trying to go back to just enjoying each day for what it is.  And because of that attempt, I’ve made the choices I’ve made.  And I will continue to make choices.
So for now, the lid is on the box, the compartmentalization is in process, yet the box is still there and should be destroyed, because unless I figure out how to do that, I will get really hurt. Again. But I don’t know how.  I’ve thought of leaving, but that’s not an option it seems — I haven’t heard from the option that was present for a while, so staying in my city seems to be that direction. Sigh. I need new and fresh, and at this point I’ll take almost anything.