The conversation happened, a clearer headspace is present at the moment. I deserve to be: treated like gold — by this I mean valued, respected, cared for, trusted (not that one should ‘trust’ gold per se… no golden calfs please).  And I deserve a time of delight, distraction and fun. That time will come and in the mean time I will take space.  What was lost, if it’s truely gone I will move on. If it’s not truely gone, it will be returned to me.
Clearer headspace arrived because I’ve heard the story, I know how things were. I understand that she truely is done, and while she didn’t have any specific advice it was nice to know that I’m not crazy and she could empathize with the frustration and stress I’ve been feeling.  So now I need to protect myself, enjoy each day for what it is, not worry too much about the future and get ready for distractions and the ‘to do’ list that accompanies all this.
And I will try to process the exit strategies with objectivity rather than with a desire to escape this rollercoaster. Try. For now though, it’s one day at a time.