It’s after midnight. Which means it’s now my Birthday. It’s not a major milestone birthday, but it feels significant. It’s a number I never ever thought I’d reach and still be ‘here’. But, I am ‘here’ and I can either be miserable or try to live my life to the fullest. Do those things that those who are more ‘settled’ simply can’t do — those things that if I ever get more ‘settled’ that I wont be able to do.
The thing is, I’ve been in flux for so long that the flux has gotten boring. My life has been in transition now for years. Transition to what? Every time something changes it still feels the ‘same’ — job, apartment, hobbies.  I guess because I have a certain list of things that I would like to accomplish with my life, but I haven’t been able to, so every time something changes, and it’s not one of those things (and I’m not only talking about relationships at the moment) I feel like I’m still in the same place. So what if the job is different? It just feels like there is little ‘progression’ in my life. Should I move? I’m seriously considering it right now.  A new start in a new place. The challenge of redefining myself and re-building my community. A chance to meet new people — and an added bonus is, I’ll be frank: men who aren’t infected with “Vancouver Syndrome” and will step up.
Because the reality is, my life hasn’t changed appreciably since I became an adult.  I thought I hated change, I don’t. But flux isn’t the same as change. Flux I hate.
So, as I reflect on the passing of a year and I think of where I was at last year on December 23rd, what went on through the year, where I’m at this year and where I’d like to be in 365 days, I’m asking myself those questions. What is my life like? What would I like it to be like? What can I change, that I can control?  Where do I really want to be this time next year? Different city? Redirecting my career (and all that that entails)? New hobbies — new community but still here? What are those things that, should my circumstances change and I have a family, would I look back on and say “I wish I’d done X, Y or Z, when I had the chance” (assuming there are any)? I have the chance so I want to make sure I do them.
Reminds me of writing ‘The Perfect Day’ post (which I think is protected — if you know me in the real world, you can ask me for the password). It may be time for another one about this upcoming year.
So I have a question for those of you who are in that place of having a family (and those of you who aren’t — you’re welcome to chime in too): If you, being in the place you’re in now could go back and tell a younger, in a different place in life, self, to do SOMETHING that you don’t have the chance to do now — what would it be? I’m sure we all look at the other side of the fence and think “You don’t know how good you have it” — for those looking at my side of the fence, my question is WHY???  And these questions are about you I know many of you know me in real life and have ideas of what you think I should do, which you’re welcome to share, too, of course, but I’m particularly curious to know about you and your life and how you look back and what you think.  Pass it on to others if there’s someone who may have an opinion that they’d share — I’d love feedback from others too.

(I’m serious. I’m curious about your answers and am looking forward to your comments. The comments need my approval to be posted (to prevent spam) but you’re freely able to leave them — no need to have a blog on wordpress.com to leave them.)