A dear friend titled her blog post “2008: The Year Everyone Moved On”. It was a touching post.  One filled with love for her friends. I love you too dear friend.  And it’s funny, I’ve been thinking that too about many of my closest friends. I don’t know that I could say ‘Everyone’. I certainly don’t feel like I’ve moved on.  I know that I have a different job, I’ve worked through some issues with family, had a lot of fun. But, where was I last year? In, appreciably, the same place as before.  There are minor difference, of course, but nothing’s really changed. I’m still questioning my career direction and how that’s going to look and what I want. I’m still wondering and confused about those secret life hopes and dreams. My entire worldview is still challenged — as it was last year — though this year, from what I can tell will be more definitive. My heart is bruised as it was last year. I’m stressed about the coming holiday season and just can’t wait for it to pass so I can decompress and have time off. I could have written all that last December, and the one before.
I am really beginning to hate December. Maybe a friend is right — because it’s Christmas, my birthday and new years, maybe my expectations of a good month are unrealistic. Maybe I’m setting my expectations too high. I wish I could look forward to Christmas, but I’m really not. It’s just a day with expectations and obligations.   I wish I could look forward to my birthday, but it’s a reminder that I’m yet another year older and still stuck. In the same place I’ve always been. Doing the same thing, trying to live my life to the fullest every day, when really, sometimes it just feels like I’m just running around in circles.
December is a time of reflection for me. It is in December that I will think about what some big dreams are for the next year, think about my life, dream about the future and make some choices. This is that same December.  I don’t know what my goals and thoughts and ideas about 2009 will be, but I can say this. I may not be one of the ones included in my dear friends “Everyone” (because really my life is the same, it’s just the details that are different.) for this year, 2008. But, I am going to make sure I am different in 2009. I don’t know what my life will be next year. I don’t know if I’ll still be in this city, I don’t know if I’ll be in a relationship (HA! — that’s my cynical side, right there!), I don’t know what my career or plans will be, maybe I’ll be taking classes.  All I know is that at this time in 2009, or even when I write my 2008 reflections and 2009 personal goals, I am going to make sure that next December even I won’t doubt that my life has moved on.