I haven’t known what to write for the last couple of days. Things are processing and on my mind. Communication’s been had where it needs to be, yet clarity and completion hasn’t been found.  Of course, completion and clarity may never be found but at least communication is opened, that’s important. So I process, think, and still try to live my life so that I am enjoying each day.
But it’s not easy sometimes.  Watching someone you care a great deal about be in so much pain, and not being able to do anything to make it easier because all they can do is learn to move on. That same someone being perhaps even more private than I am, giving me few resources to help. All I can do is process, make sure I’m not indirectly getting hurt by someone else’s pain, try not to cause them more pain, and live my life. How do I know if I should step back? Give distance in the hopes that space will allow them the freedom to heal? Stay close and support them?
With each situation it’s different. Each person is different. And the response is unique each time. And how do I care for myself in this time? How do I make sure to keep myself from getting hurt or damaged, when this is not easy and my very close position is causing me some hurt? I’m in a vulnerable place, and I know that.
How do you approach someone who’s showing signs of depression, yet they don’t realize it? How do you tell someone you’re concerned that they’re not dealing with their pain and are just slipping into depression?

The signs to look for include:

1. Constant sadness: This may be expressed by wearing black, writing or reading morbid poetry, and listening to “down” music.
2. Sleep disturbance: The teen may spend all night watching TV or talking on the phone. They may have trouble getting up even after sleeping long hours.
3. Lack of motivation and energy: Missed classes, staying home, avoiding friends, saying that friends are boring or annoying, all can point to a significant mood problem.
4. Loss of concentration and slowed thinking: Your teen may appear to be daydreaming or slow to respond, and may suffer a drop in grades.
5. Feeling depressed: They are bored, not excited about anything, careless about their appearance, or overly concerned or frantic about one aspect of their lives.
6. Agitated/anxious: They may be restless or in trouble with the law. They may turn to substance abuse in order to ‘calm down’.
7. Suicidal ideation: The teen may identify with someone’s suicide or some aspect of the suicide. They may make remarks about the person being at peace after death. They may be angry at the victim’s parents and exhibit excessive rage themselves. Look for comments such as “That’ll teach them” or “You think you understand, but you don’t.”

The above quote (and link) is from a site on teen depression, but I think it applies to all of us if we don’t deal with our pain. What stands out to me right now is:
1 — even if others don’t know it, it’s there if hidden and only shown to those who are close.
2 — no, that’s normal
3 — yes. Even when going through the motions, the motivation or interest isn’t where it should be or used to be.
4 — not really, no, though work may be different than what I can seee
5 — absolutely, lack of appetite, unhappy, unable to look in any direction but the past and the pain
6 — well not as in tense but definitely there are new habits that aren’t good.
7 — no, however, there is no hope for the future and no desire to look beyond the moment.
So how do I process where I’m at, what I want, and what I can see for the future? How do I deal with this? Care for someone and meet the needs that I can help meet? When I’ve had trauma and pain, and I was concerned about verging on depression I sought counseling.  However, that’s not yet an option in this case — I’ve suggested it. I definitely don’t know what to do. There are other thoughts that I am processing after the communication of yesterday, however, this is the most pressing