Well it’s official. I finally have a reply from the host of the Halloween Party. I always try to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.  And as much as I’ve tried to prepare for the worst, it doesn’t make it any easier to take. I really no longer know who my friends are — except for a few people — and I, yet again, wonder why the hell I even bother to keep dancing. It just makes me miserable. Though I’m distant enough that I’m not involved in politics in Seattle, so I still can have fun there. Here though, apparently I’m not completely welcome.

I wont post the entire message but here is the main section, the one that’s had me messy and in tears:

Over the last little while, there have been instances where I, and I’ve found, others have felt uncomfortable around you for various reasons. Because I’ve intended for this party to go overnight, and be a safe place for people to chill, crash and linger after whatever place they’ve been before, I wanted to make sure much as I can that people would feel comfortable.

Regardless, you’re still on the list for my regular soirees and bigger blues parties — no fear!

So apparently invites of 100 people are private intimate affairs.

But I’ve realized a few things:

1. He’s not man enough to stand up and be clear about what the issue is. I was adult enough to be direct and honest, all he did was muddy the waters and hurt people.
2. He’s supposedly trying to ‘build the community’ but apparently only on his terms and only people he deems worthy and he’s the loser in that one.
3. He’s passive aggressive and has no right to imply that I’ve some how done something that would compromise people’s safety and security like he did — what does he expect I’ll do? Flash people? Jump them? I might snap at someone if I don’t eat for hours on end, but good grief I also pass out when it gets like that and the one time I did that I apologized after.
4. I took a risk being direct and honest and I don’t regret it.
5. I am definitely re-evaluating my involvement in the local dance scene.
6. You will not catch me willingly going to one of his events or parties.