My head has felt like it’s had cotton stuffed into it for the last 2 days. I never, EVER want to have a migraine like that. In the past I’ve said the words ‘I have a migraine’, but no, those were just really bad headaches. Not to negate how bad those were, but this was 1000x worse. Nausea, dizziness, lights bugged me, the works. I can still feel it to some degree, but my head is clearing.  I don’t ever want to go through that again. Ever.
I know that part of it was stress, and the feelings of betrayal that I felt.  I know I felt raw and tender from the intensity I’ve felt this past weekend. I’m feeling less raw and tender now as I spend more time processing the situations in my life, but I’m realizing that I also need to learn how to be more assertive and set boundaries. Boundaries not to keep people out of my life but so that I can learn to have the confidence to say when those boundaries have been crossed.  It also means I need to realize and remember who is capable of what and that these differences mean different boundaries.
As much as I have been choosing to speak up more, and this has cause some backfiring, I realize that I need to keep speaking up, rather than shutting down.  So does this mean that I’ll be taking a break from the local dance scene. Sort of, yes. It means I need to surround myself closely with those people who can be part of my support system and enjoy casually dancing with those people who aren’t in a place to be able to support me. Some of those support system people are dancers, some not. But I need to be aware of different people’s limitations, and act accordingly. And perhaps out of this something new will be built, perhaps with new friends, perhaps with old but new none the less.
This weekend there will be no local dancing for me, I will spend the weekend recovering. Next weekend, I’ll decide that when the time comes, there is a blues party in Seattle, and I need to look at numbers first before I make that call. The weekend after that is already the San Francisco trip.
So, from what I can tell, it’s going to be 3-4 weeks before I dance locally anyhow so that should hopefully give me time to think and process some of this.
My head is clearing, and while relationships are constantly being redefined by this process, relationships wont stop.  I need to keep remembering last Thursday, remembering just how cherished I felt knowing that my friends came to check on me — unasked — to make sure I was okay.